Sati-
Take a look at this and let me know if this is the sort of thing
you
want:
Ballast from the Past
When many Americans look upon the politicians of our day,
they
often
find themselves longing for yesterday. Statesmen of the past
tend to
be looked upon with reverence. And perhaps they're right to look
upon
them that way. Or, perhaps, they're wrong.
How would past presidents handle today's problems? We can
only
guess,
I suppose. Or... we can resurrect them in the form of shadow
puppets.
That sounds more reasonable than guessing. Or maybe not. But it
will
be more fun. And when you get right down to it, this country was
founded on fun. Or, as the Founders called it, "the pursuit of
happiness."
Let us, then, ask the presidents of yesteryear about
tackling
the
issues of today. For instance, the federal budget deficit; that
needs
to be solved, I think. Do you agree? (Wait for applause)
Okay, well, let us start with the first president. George
Washington,
are you there?
George Washington: I am, it would seem.
Sati: Well, Mr. President, we'd very much like to hear your
advice
on
how we might reduce the federal deficit.
George Washington: I would suggest that you stop spending so
much
money.
Sati: Well, thank you, sir. We may need some more specific
advice,
though. Perhaps we should ask Abraham Lincoln. President
Lincoln,
sir,
what say you?
Abraham Lincoln: Sati, I have looked over the nation's accounts,
and
it appears that the southern states are taking in more money
from
the
federal government than they are paying in. Perhaps we should
simply
get rid of the southern states.
Sati: Well... it is very odd, sir, with all due respect, that
you of
all people should suggest that we let the southern states go.
Abraham Lincoln: It was my supposition that invading the South
in
order to save our young Union was a necessity lest it collapse.
But
it
now occurs to me that the Union would probably be better off
without
it.
Sati: We will take your advice under consideration, Mr. Lincoln
sir.
But let us get some more input. President Kennedy?
John F. Kennedy: Er, uh, hello. Did you ever figure out who it
was
that had me killed?
Sati: Well, there are different theories. But I actually just
wanted
to ask you about the federal deficit.
John F. Kennedy: To hell with the federal deficit! Have you ever
been
shot before?
Sati: I don't believe so, no.
John F. Kennedy: Well, let me tell you, er, Sati, it tends to
distract
you from the issues, when you've been shot. So who shot me?
Sati: It was Lee Harvey Oswald.
John F. Kennedy: It was Johnson! I know it was Johnson. A Texan
will
do anything to be president!
Sati: Well, President Kennedy is in one of his moods. Let's move
on
to
someone else. Maybe we could ask Nixon about the federal
deficit?
Richard Nixon: Oh, of course. "Maybe we could ask Nixon." Let's
all
pick on Nixon. We've always got Nixon to kick around. I suppose
I'm
to
blame for the whole damned deficit-
Sati: Sir, I didn't mean to imply anything of the sort. In fact,
we
just wanted to hear your opinion on the matter.
Richard Nixon: That information is covered by executive
privilege,
Sati, and you're not going to get your grubby little hands on
it!
I'm
not thinking of me, I'm thinking of future presidents! I'm just
trying
to save the executive branch from overreaching legislators and
the
damned Supreme Court and that Bob Woodstein or whatever his
damned
name is.
Sati: Perhaps we should move on to someone-
Richard Nixon: Bernword, that's what his name was.
Sati: Sir, you're disrupting the show. Let's move on to Jimmy
Carter,
then.
Jimmy Carter: Well, that's not fair. I'm not even dead yet. In
fact,
I've got another book out. You can buy it at most major
retailers-
Sati: Please, sir, you can't peddle your books in the middle of
my
performance. I'm not Larry King.
Jimmy Carter: You're not? Oh, I'm sorry. I must be in the wrong
studio. Could you... could you call me a cab?
Sati: Ask backstage, they'll take care of it. But we still need
to
figure out this deficit. President Reagan, perhaps you can help?
Ronald Reagan: One second, Sati, I'm calling a cab for Carter.
Sati: I see. That's very nice of you.
Ronald Reagan: Oh, I've done it before. Back in 1980.
Sati: Okay. Are you done getting him a cab yet?
Ronald Reagan: Yep. Bye, Jimmy. (Pause) There he goes again!
Sati: Now, Mr. Reagan, what of the deficit?
Ronald Reagan: Oh, you don't want my advice. Do you have any
idea
how
much deficit spending I signed into law?
Sati: Actually, I do rememb-
Ronald Reagan: It was a lot. A whole lot.
Sati: I'm sure we all appreciate your honesty. Well, we'll ask
the
man
who served as your vice president. President George Herbert
Walker
Bush?
George Bush Sr.: I'm sorry, uh, Sati, I'm a little busy.
Sati: Oh, of course, sir. We all understand. Is everything
alright?
George Bush Sr: Fine, fine. Just problems with the kids.
Sati: I see.
George Bush Sr.: Yeah. I've got to go.
Sati: Certainly, sir. Who else have we here?
Bill Clinton: Hello, Sati.
Sati: President Clinton, good to see you. How do you suggest we
handle
the deficit?
Bill Clinton: You should elect my damned wife in 2012, that's
how
you
should handle the deficit.
Sati: Sir, we need something more specific, like a program to
cut.
Bill Clinton: Just get her out of the damned house for a couple
of
nights and I'll pay off the damned deficit myself with my
speaking
fees. You know how much I charge for a speech these days? A lot.
A
damned lot. Speaking of which, where do I send this invoice, to
you
or
your manager?
Sati: Mr. Clinton, you never said anything about charging.
Bill Clinton: Yeah, I don't talk about a lot of things, Sati.
You
don't even want to know some of the stuff I've pulled off in my
life.
Whoo, there was this one time back in Arkansas there was this
real
scuzzy whorehouse where the prostitutes all had only one-
Sati: Sir, sir. I'm going to have to cut you off. I apologize to
everyone for that. I'm very sorry. Let's... we have one last
president. President George W. Bush?
George W. Bush: I'm right here, President Sati.
Sati: Okay. I have, uh, not actually served as president, but-
George W. Bush: Are you sure?
Sati: I... I believe I am sure, yes.
George W. Bush: Well, all right, Senator Sati. Now what'd you
want
to
ask me again?
Sati: We wanted your opinion on how we might fix the federal
deficit.
George W. Bush: Look, Sati, I'd like to help you, dude, but I've
got
my own problems. Dad just cut off my allowance again.
Sati: Well... I'm sorry to hear that.
George W. Bush: Yeah, but mom's been sneaking me twenties. Heh
heh
heh!
Sati: It's good that you are staying busy, sir.
George W. Bush: Yeah, idnint? Oops, dad's coming not supposed
to
be
on the phone after 8! Later, Sati! Hit me up on Facebook!
Sati: Certainly. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I promised you a
solution
to the deficit... and I think I have delivered. We ought to
simply
stop electing presidents!
Thanks,
Barrett
On Thu, Aug 28, 2008 at 4:34 PM, Sati Achath
<satiachath@gmail.com>
wrote:
Thank you Barrett. Tomorrow is fine. No problem.
Best regards,
Sati
On 8/28/08, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:
Hi, Sati-
Am almost finished with that script, but was tricked into
attending
an
art exhibition in Manhattan; will get back to you tomorrow.
Barrett
On Wed, Aug 27, 2008 at 7:04 PM, Sati Achath
<satiachath@gmail.com>
wrote:
Thank you Barrett. No hurry. Tomorrow is fine. I appreciate
it.
Best regards,
Sati
On 8/27/08, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:
Hi, Sati-
Actually, I've still got to finish up a few things today
but
will
have
a script for you tomorrow.
Thanks,
Barrett
On Wed, Aug 27, 2008 at 10:33 AM, Sati Achath
<satiachath@gmail.com>
wrote:
Thank you Barrett. Wonderful. I look forward tohearing
from
you.
Best regards,
Sati
On 8/27/08, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:
Okay, this shouldn't be a problem at all. I have to
finish
something
up this morning, but will get back to you with a short
script
later
after lunch.
Barrett
On Wed, Aug 27, 2008 at 8:35 AM, Sati Achath
<satiachath@gmail.com>
wrote:
Thank you Barrett. That will be great.
Best regards,
Sati
On 8/27/08, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com>
wrote:
Hi, Sati-
Sure, I'll take a look at this and give it some
thought
and
will
get
back to you a bit later in the day.
Regards,
Barrett Brown
On Wed, Aug 27, 2008 at 8:31 AM, Sati Achath
<satiachath@gmail.com>
wrote:
Dear Barrett,
Hello, how are you? Good Morning.
A few days ago, as I was going for a walk, I got
an
idea
regarding
the
script on celebrities and animated images.
Is it possible that you can conceive some
humorous idea
on
some
current
topic (which has a shelf value of at least 1 or 2
years
say,
oil
price,
inflation, immigration etc), and how those past
presidents,
entertainment
celebrities, and other celebrities would
react/comment
on
them.
May
be
it
can be on two topics, one for presidents and
politicians
and
the
other
topic
for entertainment celebrities.
I have already done the CD of the commentary done
by a
voice
over
specialist
in New Jersey. Actual voices of personalities (eg.
Kennedy's
"Don't
ask
what
the country can do for you etc, and Regan's "Mr.
Gorbachev,
tear
down
this
Wall etc.), and animal voices are also integrated
into
the
commentary.
In the new story/script that I proposing now, I
would
like
to
add
actual
voices of Kennedy, Reagan et all. I think by
visiting
YouTube
you
may
get
some relevant quotes which could be incorporated
into
the
story. I
think
that will be a great hit!
On the other hand, if this task will mean lot of
work/trouble
for
you,
as
there are too many personalities in my repertoire,
it
may
be
difficult
to
come up with jokes for each one of them. In that
case,
for
the
time
being I
will continue to use my current script and
original
quotes
from
Kennedy,
Reagan etc.
Kindly let me know your views on this suggestion.
My current script is attached for your review.
Best regards,
Sati
On 8/21/08, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com>
wrote:
Sati-
Sorry to hear that; I didn't realize that the
script
was
so
action-packed.
Good luck with everything, and let me know if you
would
like
to
discuss
future projects.
Regards,
Barrett Brown
On Thu, Aug 21, 2008 at 6:21 PM, Sati Achath
<satiachath@gmail.com>
wrote:
Dear Barrett,
Hello. Between the 2 short-listed scripts that
I
had
sent
to
my
agent,
he preferred to choose the other one. He liked
your
concept
and
story
but he
thinks that it may be difficult to translate the
story
into
action
with only
2 hands. On the other hand, the one he prefers
is a
simple,
straight
forward
animal farm story, which will be easier to
perform.
I am sorry to give you this bad news. Honestly,
I
was
very
much
excited
about your novel concept. May be I will get back
to
you
in
due
course
to
experiment with your full story as well. Also, I
have
an
idea
to
revamp my
script on celebrities and animated images, for
which
I
may
seek
your
services.
Thank you once again for your input and ideas.
Best regards,
Sati
On 8/21/08, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com>
wrote:
Hi, Sati-
Ha, very nice. Are you still in the running for
that
competition?
We'll
need to write you some humorous responses for
some
of
the
more
typical
questions you get from TV hosts and that sort
of
thing.
I'm located in Brooklyn, just ten minutes east
of
lower
Manhattan.
Checked out your page this morning; I see you
hold
one
of
those
World
Bank
jobs of the sort for one often sees classified
ads
in
The
Economist.
You
must be a busy guy.
A bit more about me in case your agent needs to
know -
my
first
book,
Flock of Dodos: Behind Modern Creationism,
Intelligent
Design,
and
the
Easter Bunny, was released last year to praise
from
Alan
Dershowitz,
Rolling
Stone, Air America Radio, Skeptic, and other
sources,
and
my
work
has
appeared in dozens of humor publications,
public
policy
journals,
trade
pubs, and regional magazines, among other
things. I
also
serve
as
senior
copywriter for a production company called
Texodus
Media
based
here
in
Brooklyn, serve as communications director for
a
PAC
based
in
New
Jersey,
and do a few other odds and ends elsewhere.
Talk to you soon,
Barrett
On Thu, Aug 21, 2008 at 6:54 AM, Sati Achath
<satiachath@gmail.com>
wrote:
Good Morning Barrett.
From the following link, you can watch my hand
shadows
act,
which
was
aired recently in NBC's America's Got Talent
program.
http://www.AsianOcean.com/agt
Alternatively, you can also see it at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dbvwr1Oxhus
Best regards,
Sati
PS: Where are you located?
On 8/20/08, Barrett Brown
<barriticus@gmail.com>
wrote:
Sounds good. Of course, the final script
would be
much
better.
Thanks,
Barrett
On Wed, Aug 20, 2008 at 9:59 PM, Sati Achath
<satiachath@gmail.com>
wrote:
Thank you Barrett for your sample
script. That's
brilliant,
and I
really liked it.
Let me send it to my talent agent and see
what
he
has
to
say. I
shall
get back to you tomorrow.
Best regards,
Sati
On 8/20/08, Barrett Brown
<barriticus@gmail.com>
wrote:
Sati-
Actually, never mind about the voices. Here
is
my
sample:
Aristotle said that man is a political
animal.
But
about
the
animals
themselves? They are, of course, even more
political,
which
is
to
say, even
more insufferable.
And here we have a local neighborhood
association
meeting
somewhere
in the Animal Kingdom, which is,
incidentally,
a
constitutional
monarchy.
The provinces have quite a bit of
discretion.
Here we have the Hen, who presides over the
meeting
by
virtue
of
her
sheer loudness. The Hen announces that the
neighborhood
has
a
budget surplus
this year. So, how shall they spend it?
The rabbit stands up to speak. He believes
the
surplus
ought
to
be
spent on little pieces of corn and melon
and
perhaps
a
sign
forbidding
children from picking up rabbits and
carrying
them
around
in
an
uncomfortable fashion.
The tiger stands up next. He proposes that
the
surplus
be
spent
on
rabbit traps.
The cobra stands up well, rather slithers
up.
He
says
that
the
surplus ought to be spent on public
transportation
for
cobras.
He
also
seconds the motion regarding rabbit traps.
The rabbit stands up. Then he runs off.
The giraffe stands up over everyone else.
He
gets
plenty
of
respect
for this, incidentally. The other animals
are
impressed
by
tallness. This is
what the pollsters have been telling him,
anyway.
Otherwise,
he
would be
short. At any rate, the giraffe proposes
that
the
meeting
be
adjourned and
that cobra and tiger both be investigated
for
taking
illegal
campaign
contributions immediately.
The duck seconds the motion.
The hen rules it into law.
The cobra and the tiger run off to some
foreign
country
with
which
the Animal Kingdom has a non-extradition
treaty.
See, democracy works!
On Wed, Aug 20, 2008 at 8:35 PM, Barrett
Brown
<barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:
Sati, will have this sample to you in a
bit,
but
need
to
know
if
you can do voices - not imitations, but
can
you
do
different
voices for
different animals?
On Wed, Aug 20, 2008 at 8:11 PM, Sati
Achath
<satiachath@gmail.com>
wrote:
Thank you Barrett.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Best regards,
Sati
On 8/20/08, Barrett Brown
<barriticus@gmail.com>
wrote:
Okay, I will go ahead and think up five
or
six
more
lines
for
your consideration this evening (these
would
not
actually
be
in the final
script, as I still need to think up a
good
plot).
Don't
worry
about the
constraints of shadow puppets; most of
this
will
be
dialogue
and simple
movement, but of course I will leave the
latter
in
your
hands,
pun sort of
intended.
Thanks,
Barrett
On Wed, Aug 20, 2008 at 8:05 PM, Sati
Achath
<satiachath@gmail.com> wrote:
Thank you Barrett for your
clarification. I
totally
agree
with
your line of thinking, and I am excited
about
this
humorous
concept. So
kindly go ahead and please come up with