Sati-
Take a look at this and let me know if this is the
sort
of
thing
you
want:
Ballast from the Past
When many Americans look upon the politicians
of
our
day,
they
often
find themselves longing for yesterday. Statesmen of
the
past
tend
to
be looked upon with reverence. And perhaps they're
right
to
look
upon
them that way. Or, perhaps, they're wrong.
How would past presidents handle today's
problems?
We
can
only
guess,
I suppose. Or... we can resurrect them in the form of
shadow
puppets.
That sounds more reasonable than guessing. Or maybe
not.
But
it
will
be more fun. And when you get right down to it, this
country
was
founded on fun. Or, as the Founders called it, "the
pursuit
of
happiness."
Let us, then, ask the presidents of yesteryear
about
tackling
the
issues of today. For instance, the federal budget
deficit;
that
needs
to be solved, I think. Do you agree? (Wait for
applause)
Okay, well, let us start with the first
president.
George
Washington,
are you there?
George Washington: I am, it would seem.
Sati: Well, Mr. President, we'd very much like to
hear
your
advice
on
how we might reduce the federal deficit.
George Washington: I would suggest that you stop
spending
so
much
money.
Sati: Well, thank you, sir. We may need some more
specific
advice,
though. Perhaps we should ask Abraham Lincoln.
President
Lincoln,
sir,
what say you?
Abraham Lincoln: Sati, I have looked over the
nation's
accounts,
and
it appears that the southern states are taking in
more
money
from
the
federal government than they are paying in. Perhaps
we
should
simply
get rid of the southern states.
Sati: Well... it is very odd, sir, with all due
respect,
that
you
of
all people should suggest that we let the southern
states
go.
Abraham Lincoln: It was my supposition that invading
the
South
in
order to save our young Union was a necessity lest it
collapse.
But
it
now occurs to me that the Union would probably be
better
off
without
it.
Sati: We will take your advice under consideration,
Mr.
Lincoln
sir.
But let us get some more input. President Kennedy?
John F. Kennedy: Er, uh, hello. Did you ever figure
out
who
it
was
that had me killed?
Sati: Well, there are different theories. But I
actually
just
wanted
to ask you about the federal deficit.
John F. Kennedy: To hell with the federal deficit!
Have
you
ever
been
shot before?
Sati: I don't believe so, no.
John F. Kennedy: Well, let me tell you, er, Sati, it
tends
to
distract
you from the issues, when you've been shot. So who
shot
me?
Sati: It was Lee Harvey Oswald.
John F. Kennedy: It was Johnson! I know it was
Johnson.
A
Texan
will
do anything to be president!
Sati: Well, President Kennedy is in one of his moods.
Let's
move
on
to
someone else. Maybe we could ask Nixon about the
federal
deficit?
Richard Nixon: Oh, of course. "Maybe we could ask
Nixon."
Let's
all
pick on Nixon. We've always got Nixon to kick around.
I
suppose
I'm
to
blame for the whole damned deficit-
Sati: Sir, I didn't mean to imply anything of the
sort.
In
fact,
we
just wanted to hear your opinion on the matter.
Richard Nixon: That information is covered by
executive
privilege,
Sati, and you're not going to get your grubby little
hands
on
it!
I'm
not thinking of me, I'm thinking of future
presidents!
I'm
just
trying
to save the executive branch from overreaching
legislators
and
the
damned Supreme Court and that Bob Woodstein or
whatever
his
damned
name is.
Sati: Perhaps we should move on to someone-
Richard Nixon: Bernword, that's what his name was.
Sati: Sir, you're disrupting the show. Let's move on
to
Jimmy
Carter,
then.
Jimmy Carter: Well, that's not fair. I'm not even
dead
yet.
In
fact,
I've got another book out. You can buy it at most
major
retailers-
Sati: Please, sir, you can't peddle your books in the
middle
of
my
performance. I'm not Larry King.
Jimmy Carter: You're not? Oh, I'm sorry. I must be in
the
wrong
studio. Could you... could you call me a cab?
Sati: Ask backstage, they'll take care of it. But we
still
need
to
figure out this deficit. President Reagan, perhaps
you
can
help?
Ronald Reagan: One second, Sati, I'm calling a cab
for
Carter.
Sati: I see. That's very nice of you.
Ronald Reagan: Oh, I've done it before. Back in 1980.
Sati: Okay. Are you done getting him a cab yet?
Ronald Reagan: Yep. Bye, Jimmy. (Pause) There he goes
again!
Sati: Now, Mr. Reagan, what of the deficit?
Ronald Reagan: Oh, you don't want my advice. Do you
have
any
idea
how
much deficit spending I signed into law?
Sati: Actually, I do rememb-
Ronald Reagan: It was a lot. A whole lot.
Sati: I'm sure we all appreciate your honesty. Well,
we'll
ask
the
man
who served as your vice president. President George
Herbert
Walker
Bush?
George Bush Sr.: I'm sorry, uh, Sati, I'm a little
busy.
Sati: Oh, of course, sir. We all understand. Is
everything
alright?
George Bush Sr: Fine, fine. Just problems with the
kids.
Sati: I see.
George Bush Sr.: Yeah. I've got to go.
Sati: Certainly, sir. Who else have we here?
Bill Clinton: Hello, Sati.
Sati: President Clinton, good to see you. How do you
suggest
we
handle
the deficit?
Bill Clinton: You should elect my damned wife in
2012,
that's
how
you
should handle the deficit.
Sati: Sir, we need something more specific, like a
program
to
cut.
Bill Clinton: Just get her out of the damned house
for a
couple
of
nights and I'll pay off the damned deficit myself
with
my
speaking
fees. You know how much I charge for a speech these
days? A
lot.
A
damned lot. Speaking of which, where do I send this
invoice,
to
you
or
your manager?
Sati: Mr. Clinton, you never said anything about
charging.
Bill Clinton: Yeah, I don't talk about a lot of
things,
Sati.
You
don't even want to know some of the stuff I've pulled
off
in
my
life.
Whoo, there was this one time back in Arkansas
there
was
this
real
scuzzy whorehouse where the prostitutes all had only
one-
Sati: Sir, sir. I'm going to have to cut you off. I
apologize
to
everyone for that. I'm very sorry. Let's... we have
one
last
president. President George W. Bush?
George W. Bush: I'm right here, President Sati.
Sati: Okay. I have, uh, not actually served as
president,
but-
George W. Bush: Are you sure?
Sati: I... I believe I am sure, yes.
George W. Bush: Well, all right, Senator Sati. Now
what'd
you
want
to
ask me again?
Sati: We wanted your opinion on how we might fix the
federal
deficit.
George W. Bush: Look, Sati, I'd like to help you,
dude,
but
I've
got
my own problems. Dad just cut off my allowance again.
Sati: Well... I'm sorry to hear that.
George W. Bush: Yeah, but mom's been sneaking me
twenties.
Heh
heh
heh!
Sati: It's good that you are staying busy, sir.
George W. Bush: Yeah, idnint? Oops, dad's coming
not
supposed
to
be
on the phone after 8! Later, Sati! Hit me up on
Facebook!
Sati: Certainly. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I
promised
you
a
solution
to the deficit... and I think I have delivered. We
ought
to
simply
stop electing presidents!
Thanks,
Barrett
On Thu, Aug 28, 2008 at 4:34 PM, Sati Achath
<satiachath@gmail.com>
wrote:
Thank you Barrett. Tomorrow is fine. No problem.
Best regards,
Sati
On 8/28/08, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com>
wrote:
Hi, Sati-
Am almost finished with that script, but was
tricked
into
attending
an
art exhibition in Manhattan; will get back to you
tomorrow.
Barrett
On Wed, Aug 27, 2008 at 7:04 PM, Sati Achath
<satiachath@gmail.com>
wrote:
Thank you Barrett. No hurry. Tomorrow is fine. I
appreciate
it.
Best regards,
Sati
On 8/27/08, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com>
wrote:
Hi, Sati-
Actually, I've still got to finish up a few
things
today
but
will
have
a script for you tomorrow.
Thanks,
Barrett
On Wed, Aug 27, 2008 at 10:33 AM, Sati Achath
<satiachath@gmail.com>
wrote:
Thank you Barrett. Wonderful. I look forward
tohearing
from
you.
Best regards,
Sati
On 8/27/08, Barrett Brown
<barriticus@gmail.com>
wrote:
Okay, this shouldn't be a problem at all. I
have
to
finish
something
up this morning, but will get back to you
with
a
short
script
later
after lunch.
Barrett
On Wed, Aug 27, 2008 at 8:35 AM, Sati Achath
<satiachath@gmail.com>
wrote:
Thank you Barrett. That will be great.
Best regards,
Sati
On 8/27/08, Barrett Brown
<barriticus@gmail.com>
wrote:
Hi, Sati-
Sure, I'll take a look at this and give
it
some
thought
and
will
get
back to you a bit later in the day.
Regards,
Barrett Brown
On Wed, Aug 27, 2008 at 8:31 AM, Sati
Achath
<satiachath@gmail.com>
wrote:
Dear Barrett,
Hello, how are you? Good Morning.
A few days ago, as I was going for a
walk,
I
got
an
idea
regarding
the
script on celebrities and animated
images.
Is it possible that you can conceive
some
humorous idea
on
some
current
topic (which has a shelf value of at
least 1
or
2
years
say,
oil
price,
inflation, immigration etc), and how
those
past
presidents,
entertainment
celebrities, and other celebrities
would
react/comment
on
them.
May
be
it
can be on two topics, one for
presidents
and
politicians
and
the
other
topic
for entertainment celebrities.
I have already done the CD of the
commentary
done
by a
voice
over
specialist
in New Jersey. Actual voices of
personalities
(eg.
Kennedy's
"Don't
ask
what
the country can do for you etc, and
Regan's
"Mr.
Gorbachev,
tear
down
this
Wall etc.), and animal voices are also
integrated
into
the
commentary.
In the new story/script that I
proposing
now, I
would
like
to
add
actual
voices of Kennedy, Reagan et all. I
think
by
visiting
YouTube
you
may
get
some relevant quotes which could be
incorporated
into
the
story. I
think
that will be a great hit!
On the other hand, if this task will
mean
lot
of
work/trouble
for
you,
as
there are too many personalities in my
repertoire,
it
may
be
difficult
to
come up with jokes for each one of
them.
In
that
case,
for
the
time
being I
will continue to use my current script
and
original
quotes
from
Kennedy,
Reagan etc.
Kindly let me know your views on this
suggestion.
My current script is attached for your
review.
Best regards,
Sati
On 8/21/08, Barrett Brown
<barriticus@gmail.com>
wrote:
Sati-
Sorry to hear that; I didn't realize
that
the
script
was
so
action-packed.
Good luck with everything, and let me
know
if
you
would
like
to
discuss
future projects.
Regards,
Barrett Brown
On Thu, Aug 21, 2008 at 6:21 PM, Sati
Achath
<satiachath@gmail.com>
wrote:
Dear Barrett,
Hello. Between the 2 short-listed
scripts
that I
had
sent
to
my
agent,
he preferred to choose the other one.
He
liked
your
concept
and
story
but he
thinks that it may be difficult to
translate
the
story
into
action
with only
2 hands. On the other hand, the one
he
prefers
is