Subject: Re: howdy
From: Jeff Goldstein <jeff.proteinwisdom@gmail.com>
Date: 8/18/08, 13:35
To: "Barrett Brown" <barriticus@gmail.com>

I have iMovie and Final Cut for the Mac.  The big thing would be getting the commercial somehow.   I'd have to record it from TV and rip it to my computer.  But I don't have a DVD burner that hooks up to the TV.  Might have to get one.

Meanwhile, I'm worried because the response to my idea has been the sound of one hand clapping.  Good for the Buddha, bad for Jeff.


On Aug 18, 2008, at 10:54 AM, Barrett Brown wrote:

Wait - do you have Windows Movie Maker or anything of that nature?

On Mon, Aug 18, 2008 at 12:28 PM, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:
Okay, I don't know how you managed to steal my pot from the other side of the country, but next time just ask me for some and I'll hook you up.

Also, everyone knows who actually pulled off 9/11:

I HAVE IRREFUTABLE PROOF. FOUR SIMULTANOUS DAYS IN ONE ROTATION OF EARTH, EACH QUADRANT OF EARTH.

Man is personified pyramid, 1 corner of time cube, 1 24 hr day. 1/4th of a person. pyramid * 6 equals star of david = the BALANCE = 11:11 = equilibrium in timeSpace. Four 24 hr days, simultaneously, equals 11:11 - 11:11 = natural balance. 6/11 = 11\9 = 9/11:11\6 = cubeless jews did wtc. 

24    6    24
  ,_______,
  |11   11|
  time^cube
6 |  (o)  | 6
  | /   \ |
  9/11:11\6
  /_______\
24 man  is 24
personified
   pyramid

Man is but extension of the 9/11:11\6, four corners, four simultaneous 24 hour days. Cubeless god, jewish god, jews did 9/11:11\6. I have IRREFUTABLE PROOF. Ignorant dumb asses laugh at me, they do not know. 9/11 tragedy was caused by JEWISH LIE and CONSPIRACY. ZOG means students are EDUCATED STUPID with CUBELESS LINEAR TIME LIE. I have uncovered the truth, the spirit guardians have alerted. 11:11. I DEMONSTRATE IRREFUTABLE PROOF.

  • New York City has 11 letters.
  • Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened the Twin Towers in 1993) has 11 letters.
  • 'George W. Bush' has 11 letters
  • New York is the State # 11
  • The first plane crushing against the Twin Towers was flight #11
  • Flight # 11 was carrying 92 passengers Adding this number gives us: 9+2=11
  • Flight # 77 who also hit the towers, was carrying 65 passengers Adding this: 6+5=11
  • The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11. Adding this: 9+1+1=11
  • The date is equal to the emergency number 911. Adding this: 9+1+1=11
  • The total number of victims inside the planes were 254: 2+5+4=11
  • September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year: 2+5+4=11
  • After September 11, there were 111 days more to the end of the year.
  • The tragedy of 3/11/2004 in Madrid also adds up to: 3+1+1+2+4=11
  • The tragedy in Madrid happened 911 days after the tragedy of the Twin Towers.
Stop blowing up our goyim buildings, Goldstein!


On Mon, Aug 18, 2008 at 12:19 PM, Jeff Goldstein <jeff.proteinwisdom@gmail.com> wrote:
I don't know how this works, really.  Would it be possible to, eg., take a clip from one of those Dennis Haysbert State Farm ads and overlay some text on it that "translates" the ad copy into what Haysbert is "really" thinking?  He's a 911 Truther, I think -- or at least has intimated such -- so it might be interesting to have his asking about whether your current car insurance covers you if a municipal tree falls on your car subitled with a "translation" that touches on some of the more crazed Truther conspiracy theories (eg., "and more importantly -- are you covered if a secret military cabal, acting on orders from Richard Perle's shadow government, plants depth charges beneath a local Dwarf Russian Almond  to create a diversion while members of Mossad snatch up Eric Bana and other cast members of <i>Munich</i>, replacing them with exact duplicates?)

Charlie Sheen guest hosts.



On Aug 18, 2008, at 10:14 AM, Barrett Brown wrote:

So, someone just e-mailed me this. Now I am e-mailing it to you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B89UVcWRc2Y

On Mon, Aug 18, 2008 at 10:20 AM, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:
He would rather die than to admit to such a thing, I imagine.


On Mon, Aug 18, 2008 at 10:19 AM, Jeff Goldstein <jeff.proteinwisdom@gmail.com> wrote:
I could get him in a scarf hold and refuse to let him up until he admits that Lacan was a fucking fraud.


On Aug 18, 2008, at 8:14 AM, Barrett Brown wrote:

Basically, yeah. Again, we need to go for the jugular on this, which is to say we have to start immediately blowing the other writers out of the water in terms of quality so that the big boys will see the wisdom of giving us power and money. THEY MUST BE MADE TO SEE THE WISDOM!!11!11

On Mon, Aug 18, 2008 at 10:12 AM, Jeff Goldstein <jeff.proteinwisdom@gmail.com> wrote:
Some of his hardware may be implanted.  If so, I could quite conceivably -- with the right technique -- deflate one of his shoulders or pecs.  If that's how it works.  

Could be I just end up filling his system with silicon and saline solution -- which would give him, like, 5 minutes to find the proper, "Holy fuck I'm about to die!" prop.

Say...is that the kind of thing I can post?

Because I WILL challenge the fucker.



On Aug 18, 2008, at 7:50 AM, Barrett Brown wrote:

Carrot Top is pretty fucking buff these days, but you're a wrestling wonk so maybe you could take him out. Personally, I'd be more inclined to just slash his tires, but I'm a coward by trade.

Seriously, though, that might actually be a stunt to consider a bit down the line. Challenging various celebrities (and former celebrities like Carrot Top) to a two-part event - wrestling and literary criticism. Always audacity, sir.

On Mon, Aug 18, 2008 at 9:36 AM, Jeff Goldstein <jeff.proteinwisdom@gmail.com> wrote:

I hate that guy.  But I'm not too fond of Joe Rogan, either.  So it's a wash.

Hey, think I can secure a date to wrestle Carrot Top?

On Aug 18, 2008, at 6:45 AM, Barrett Brown wrote:

Sweet, we're set then. I might actually post a little something today or tomorrow; just depends on my mood.

May our makeshift comedy alliance last until such time as our shared enemies are destroyed! Down with Carlos Mencia!

On Sun, Aug 17, 2008 at 11:31 PM, Jeff Goldstein <jeff.proteinwisdom@gmail.com> wrote:
Thanks, Matt.

Looking forward to it!

Best,
Jeff
On Aug 17, 2008, at 9:17 PM, Matt Zaller wrote:

I see now that you have ample qualifications, and would to extend an invite to you to write for The Zaz! Lampoon ain't what it used to be, but I am trying to shepard this little zaz deal into a popular comedy web destination. Would love some assists from a blogger like yourself in terms of getting good content up and helping to promote and drive readership. I went ahead and set you up an account:

url: http://www.nationallampoon.com/thezaz/wp-admin
user: Jeff Goldstein
pass: l@mpoon

You seem to get an impressive amount of traffic. I've attached a banner if you're interested in posting it on you blog. If you have any specific ideas on what you would like to post or how you can help promote feel free to shoot them my way. You'll also be added to a writers email that goes out weekly. You're level in involvement on that thread is entirely up to you. It's mainly a forum where some of the writers discuss ideas and whatnot. The list is moderated by a guy named JP - so if you see an email from him don't be alarmed.

Best,

Matt

Jeff Goldstein wrote:
Hi again, Matt --

Barrett explained to me this had something to do with a celebrity blog for NL.  What kind of clips would you like to see?  I have blog posts and published fiction.  For the sake of convenience,  I'll provide a few links to the blog posts.   But please do let me know if there's something else you need or would like to see:

http://proteinwisdom.com/?p=3240  (Robert Anton Smith Illuminati parody)

http://proteinwisdom.com/?p=2229 (Conan-Doyle Sherlock Holmes parody)

http://proteinwisdom.com/?s=Anna+Nicole+Smith&paged=2  (ANSmith holiday greeting cards)

http://proteinwisdom.com/?cat=16 (Martha Stewart prison diaries)

http://proteinwisdom.com/?cat=14 (red pills series)

http://proteinwisdom.com/?cat=7 ("interviews")

My background:  I taught lit, writing, and argument at Denver University, where I was a member of their PhD program in creative writing.   Won a couple of awards for short fiction.  "Retired" from teaching when my son was born so that I could stay home and play with him. Plus, no more grading papers written in a language that only superficially resembled  the English I was taught as a young Jewish boy struggling to make my way in the wilds of  suburban Baltimore County, MD.


Best,
Jeff


On Aug 17, 2008, at 7:52 PM, Matt Zaller wrote:

Is this a request to be a writer? If so, send me some clips and I'd be happy to consider.

best,

Matt

Jeff Goldstein wrote:
Hi, Matt --

Barrett Brown suggested I email you regarding the NL website.  Unfortunately, he wasn't any more specific than that.  Which means that this email will have to serve as a kind of "Barrett Brown suggested I email Matt about the website, and now I have.  So, you know, that's that, I guess"-type email -- unless, of course, there is specific information you need from me going forward.

-- In which case, I'm more than happy to expand upon the content herein.

I can be reached at 303-934-5737 (home) and 303-667-3815 (cell).  Or if you'd like, I can give you a call.

Best, and look forward to hearing from you,

Jeff Goldstein










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