Basically, yeah. Again, we need to go for the jugular on this, which is to say we have to start immediately blowing the other writers out of the water in terms of quality so that the big boys will see the wisdom of giving us power and money. THEY MUST BE MADE TO SEE THE WISDOM!!11!11

On Mon, Aug 18, 2008 at 10:12 AM, Jeff Goldstein <jeff.proteinwisdom@gmail.com> wrote:

Some of his hardware may be implanted.  If so, I could quite conceivably -- with the right technique -- deflate one of his shoulders or pecs.  If that's how it works.  

Could be I just end up filling his system with silicon and saline solution -- which would give him, like, 5 minutes to find the proper, "Holy fuck I'm about to die!" prop.

Say...is that the kind of thing I can post?

Because I WILL challenge the fucker.

On Aug 18, 2008, at 7:50 AM, Barrett Brown wrote:

Carrot Top is pretty fucking buff these days, but you're a wrestling wonk so maybe you could take him out. Personally, I'd be more inclined to just slash his tires, but I'm a coward by trade.

Seriously, though, that might actually be a stunt to consider a bit down the line. Challenging various celebrities (and former celebrities like Carrot Top) to a two-part event - wrestling and literary criticism. Always audacity, sir.

On Mon, Aug 18, 2008 at 9:36 AM, Jeff Goldstein <jeff.proteinwisdom@gmail.com> wrote:

I hate that guy.  But I'm not too fond of Joe Rogan, either.  So it's a wash.

Hey, think I can secure a date to wrestle Carrot Top?

On Aug 18, 2008, at 6:45 AM, Barrett Brown wrote:

Sweet, we're set then. I might actually post a little something today or tomorrow; just depends on my mood.

May our makeshift comedy alliance last until such time as our shared enemies are destroyed! Down with Carlos Mencia!

On Sun, Aug 17, 2008 at 11:31 PM, Jeff Goldstein <jeff.proteinwisdom@gmail.com> wrote:

Thanks, Matt.

Looking forward to it!

Best,
Jeff
On Aug 17, 2008, at 9:17 PM, Matt Zaller wrote:

I see now that you have ample qualifications, and would to extend an invite to you to write for The Zaz! Lampoon ain't what it used to be, but I am trying to shepard this little zaz deal into a popular comedy web destination. Would love some assists from a blogger like yourself in terms of getting good content up and helping to promote and drive readership. I went ahead and set you up an account:

url: http://www.nationallampoon.com/thezaz/wp-admin
user: Jeff Goldstein
pass: l@mpoon

You seem to get an impressive amount of traffic. I've attached a banner if you're interested in posting it on you blog. If you have any specific ideas on what you would like to post or how you can help promote feel free to shoot them my way. You'll also be added to a writers email that goes out weekly. You're level in involvement on that thread is entirely up to you. It's mainly a forum where some of the writers discuss ideas and whatnot. The list is moderated by a guy named JP - so if you see an email from him don't be alarmed.

Best,

Matt

Jeff Goldstein wrote:

Hi again, Matt --

Barrett explained to me this had something to do with a celebrity blog for NL.  What kind of clips would you like to see?  I have blog posts and published fiction.  For the sake of convenience,  I'll provide a few links to the blog posts.   But please do let me know if there's something else you need or would like to see:

http://proteinwisdom.com/?p=3240  (Robert Anton Smith Illuminati parody)

http://proteinwisdom.com/?p=2229 (Conan-Doyle Sherlock Holmes parody)

http://proteinwisdom.com/?s=Anna+Nicole+Smith&paged=2  (ANSmith holiday greeting cards)

http://proteinwisdom.com/?cat=16 (Martha Stewart prison diaries)

http://proteinwisdom.com/?cat=14 (red pills series)

http://proteinwisdom.com/?cat=7 ("interviews")

My background:  I taught lit, writing, and argument at Denver University, where I was a member of their PhD program in creative writing.   Won a couple of awards for short fiction.  "Retired" from teaching when my son was born so that I could stay home and play with him. Plus, no more grading papers written in a language that only superficially resembled  the English I was taught as a young Jewish boy struggling to make my way in the wilds of  suburban Baltimore County, MD.


Best,
Jeff


On Aug 17, 2008, at 7:52 PM, Matt Zaller wrote:

Is this a request to be a writer? If so, send me some clips and I'd be happy to consider.

best,

Matt

Jeff Goldstein wrote:

Hi, Matt --

Barrett Brown suggested I email you regarding the NL website.  Unfortunately, he wasn't any more specific than that.  Which means that this email will have to serve as a kind of "Barrett Brown suggested I email Matt about the website, and now I have.  So, you know, that's that, I guess"-type email -- unless, of course, there is specific information you need from me going forward.

-- In which case, I'm more than happy to expand upon the content herein.

I can be reached at 303-934-5737 (home) and 303-667-3815 (cell).  Or if you'd like, I can give you a call.

Best, and look forward to hearing from you,

Jeff Goldstein

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