Re: Experienced Humor Writer

On Sun, Jul 6, 2008 at 7:30 PM, AxisGranted Films <axisgrantedfilms@yahoo.com> wrote:

Barrett,

I had a chance to read over the material you sent me, and I must say I do like it. I like your style and sense of humor. It is very close to what I had in mind. I enjoyed the bit about "steel diamonds" I admit I Laughed out loud on that, and almost all of it. Well it kinda sucks that you don't live in Austin anymore, but I don't see that as a reason to not be able to work together. I do have a couple of questions for you.
1.) do you plan on coming back to Austin, even to visit any time soon?
2.) What are your favorite comedy movies, writers and directors? The ones you feel have influenced you.
3.) What is your spit-balling process like, do you work better alone or as a team?
4.) How long does an average short screen play take you.
5.) What kind of exposure are you looking for from this project?
6.) Has any of your work been produced, and if so is there any trailer or anything I may be able to see.

I for the most part can help you with camera direction and things of that nature in the screen play, I however do need help on the dialog end of it. Which you seem to have a good grasp on from what I read. well let me know what you think, and if you have any questions for me. Hopefully we can work something out, and work together.

Thank You for your time
Sundip

----- Original Message ----
From: Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com>
To: gigs-744069039@craigslist.org
Sent: Sunday, July 6, 2008 2:06:35 PM
Subject: Experienced Humor Writer

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Howdy-

I understand you'd like to work with a writer to do some humorous short films, and I'd like to be considered. I'm 26, lived in Austin up until a year ago, but now live in Brooklyn. My work has appeared in National Lampoon, McSweeney's, The Onion, and dozens of other publications, and my first book, Flock of Dodos: Behind Modern Creationism, Intelligent Design, and the Easter Bunny, was released last year to praise from Alan Dershowitz, Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone, Skeptic, and other sources.

Below, I've pasted a script that I wrote last month for use in a short film that's being produced up here in NYC; the film is a mockumentary wherein the protagonist, who is obsessed with an ex-girlfriend named Sarah, is making a documentary about why the name allegedly comes up so often in art and music. It's not in official film script format yet, as we're still working out the camera direction and whatnot. The term "break" signifies where the scene will be cut up for editing before being interspersed with the rest of the script.

I'd be interested in working with you guys on concepts you've already developed or, if you'd like, on new concepts.

Thanks,

Barrett Brown
Brooklyn, NY
512-560-2302

Project Sarah Script

Protagonist Pete: So, guys, thanks for agreeing to the interview.

Roderick Rutherford: Thank you for agreeing to do the interview... with us.

Stax Anaxander: For interviewing us. And agreeing to the interview. Thanks.

Protagonist Pete: Okay. So, the reason I wanted to talk to you guys is because your band does... well, tell us again, uh, for the camera, what you guys play.

Roderick Rutherford: We're a fucking Neil Diamond cover band.

Stax Anaxander: Yeah.

Roderick Rutherford: So we play fucking Neil Diamond songs.

Protagonist Pete: And you do them a little diff-

Stax Anaxander: [loud growling death metal vocals] MONEY TAAAAAAAAAALKSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT-IT-CAN'T-SING-AND-DANCE-AND-IT-DON'T-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Roderick Rutherford: [bobbing head to vocals]

Protagonist Pete: Right. That's good stuff.

Roderick Rutherford: But we play instruments, too, when we play the songs.

Stax Anaxander: Yeah, like guitars.

Roderick Rutherford: So then it's even better.

==BREAK==

Protagonist Pete: And you know, this interview is actually about, uh, names, and how a... particular name happens to get chosen over others. And I thought that you guys had this isn't actually the main thing I wanted to ask you about, but I thought it was sort of an interesting concept, your name, which was....

Roderick Rutherford: We're called the Steel Diamonds.

Protagonist: Okay, and...

Roderick Rutherford: You get it?

Protagonist Pete: I-

Roderick Rutherford: Think about that for a second.

Protagonist: ...

Stax Anaxander: The Steel Diamonds.

Roderick Rutherford: Are we the Steel Diamonds, as in we're diamonds made of steel, so we're like the hardest motherfucking diamonds that have ever been manufactured, or do we Steal Diamonds, like we're diamond thieves who steal diamonds from their rightful owners?

Stax Anaxander: You don't know.

Roderick Rutherford: You have no fucking clue.

Protagonist Pete: Well, okay. But if I saw it written down, I would know, because they're spelled differently.

Roderick Rutherford: But we never write it down.

Stax Anaxander: Absolutely not.

Roderick Rutherford: And I actually don't know which one is spelled which way.

Stax Anaxander: I do, though. But I don't tell him.

Roderick Rutherford: We take precautions.

Protagonist Pete: But you, don't, uh... you have your name written on the, LP cover, right?

Roderick Rutherford: [holds up album, cover is inscribed with illegible, over-the-top death metalish font, see http://www.heavymetalonline.co.uk/acatalog/morbid_logo.gif for example]

Roderick Rutherford: You can't read that, can you?

Protagonist Pete: No, that's...

Stax Anaxander: [emphatically] It's really hard to read... it.

Protagonist Pete: ... yeah... completely illegible...

Stax Anaxander: My little sister drew that for us. She's like, nine or something. She's a fucking bitch, too, but she's real talented.

Roderick Rutherford: She's also a fucking narc.

Stax Anaxander: Oh, yeah, no shit! She's a giant fucking narc.

Protagonist Pete: Great. Can I go ahead and ask you, uh...

Roderick Rutherford: Just don't ask us anything else about our name.

Stax Anaxander: Yeah, we don't want to talk about that anymore - wait, though, he can ask us about how we chose our name.

Roderick Rutherford: Yeah, ask us that.

Protagonist Pete: ... So, how did you go about choosing-

Stax Anaxander: I named us.

Protagonist Pete: Alright.

Stax Anaxander: Because I'm really good at naming things. Like, back in San Antonio, I had a friend who was like one of the last chemists who still made acid. And he always wanted me to name the different batches. Like one time, it was this sheet of gel tabs, entirely white. He showed it to me, and he was like, "Hey, name this." And it was just this white sheet, and I looked at it, and I said, "Black magic." And then I just walked out of the room. And he was stunned, because it was so counter-intuitive, but it was so right. You should have seen this guy's fucking face when I just walked out of the room. It was priceless.

Protagonist Pete: How did you know what his face looked like if you walked out-

Stax Anaxander: I wonder what ever happened to that fucking guy.

==BREAK==

Protagonist Pete: Let me go ahead ask you this. You know a lot about Neil Diamond.

Roderick Rutherford: We've never actually met him.

Stax Anaxander: I have. He was, like, one of the last chemists who was still making acid back in, like, 2002. Then everything went dry.

Roderick Rutherford: No, that was Neil Greenberg.

Stax Anaxander: Okay. [To Pete] Yeah, we know Neil Diamond.

Roderick Rutherford: No, we don't.

Stax Anaxander: We know of him.

Protagonist Pete: Right. And you know that Neil Diamond obviously... he's known for his song titles that tend to refer to women. There's Sweet Caroline, for instance.

Stax Anaxander: Do you know who Caroline turned out to be?

Protagonist Pete: [Suddenly more interested] Uh, no, actually, I don't. Who was it? Was it his ex-girlfriend?

Stax Anaxander: Huh? No. It was John Kennedy's little daughter. He saw a picture of her in some magazine and wrote the song about her because he thought she was cute.

Roderick Rutherford: Yeah, Neil Diamond's a fucking pedo. But that was a different time back then..

Stax Anaxander: Yeah, everyone was a pedo back then. Led Zeppelin had that fourteen-year-old girl in his apartment for a while and he wrote songs about her. "Ramble On" was about her. Then he stuck a swordfish in her vagina.

Roderick Rutherford: Led Zeppelin was a fucking pedo. But he's still a great guitarist.

Protagonist Pete: You mean Jimmie Page, of course.

Roderick Rutherford: No. Led Zeppelin.

Protagonist Pete: ...

Roderick Rutherford: ....

Stax Anaxander: ....

==BREAK==

Protagonist Pete: So, I wanted to ask you about Neil Diamond's song, which was one of his early big hits, "Sarah, Sarah." Because the name Sarah, I think, comes up unusually often in artwork, in songs-

Stax Anaxander: I have absolutely no fucking idea what the fuck you're talking about.

Protagonist Pete: The, uh, Neil Diamond song.

Stax Anaxander: Are you talking about "Cherry, Cherry?"

Roderick Rutherford: SHE GOT THE WAY TO MOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE CHERRY CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Stax Anaxander: Yeah, you mean that?

Protagonist Pete: Oh. Is that actually... it's not Sarah? [To cameraman] Is it actually "Cherry" or are they just...

Cameraman: [Irritated] I told you that, man. It's "Cherry."

Stax Anaxander: It doesn't even sound like Sarah.

Roderick Rutherford: Yeah, what the fuck?

Protagonist Pete: Huh. I guess I heard it wrong.

Roderick Rutherford: ...

Stax Anaxander: ...

Roderick Rutherford: Do you... dude, do you have an ex-girlfriend named Sarah?

Protagonist Pete: Uh, actually, yeah. I mean, we're separated.

Roderick Rutherford: Separated?

Protagonist Pete: We're kind of taking a break from each other.

Stax Anaxander: [Staring intently at Pete] Dude, you're fucking lying to yourself.

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