To: "Kevin Depew" <kdepew@minyanville.com>,
"Kevin Wassong" <kevin@minyanville.com>
Howdy, Kevins-
Here's another script; this one's in Yahoo format and concerns the Writer's Guild strike.
Thanks,
Barrett
One Strike, You're Out (Yahoo format) by Barrett Brown
Hoofy: Uh, good morning.
Boo: (Hushed, to Hoofy) Evening.
Hoofy: (Hushed, to Boo) What?
Boo: (Hushed, to Hoofy) It's evening! Good evening!
Hoofy: Good evening!
(pause)
Hoofy: Good evening!
Boo: (hushed) Ahem. Good evening. Our top story tonight the Writer's Guild strike continues.
Hoofy: Right, the writer's guild strike...
Boo: Is, uh, continuing.
Hoofy: They're all striking.
Boo: All of the, uh...
Hoofy: The writers.
Boo: The writers... are continuing...
Hoofy: Continuing their... striking.
Boo: All of them continuing in their striking.
(pause)
Hoofy: Good evening!
Boo: We'll be bite rack.
Hoofy: Right back, that is.
Producer: And... cut to... uh...
Boo: Commercial!
Producer: Right, commercial. Cut to... that.
Hoofy: Ha, ha. "Bite rack." That's funny. Because "rack" is another word for -
Boo: Damn it, Hoofy!
Hoofy: What?
Boo: Don't "what" me, this is all your fault!
Hoofy: Well, how was I supposed to know our writers would strike, too? They're not even in the Writer's Guild! We don't allow them to even talk to the Writer's Guild, much less join it! We don't even let them talk to their friends, family members, or the child labor board! Especially not the child labor board.
Boo: Okay, see, that's part of the problem.
Hoofy: Oh, come on. That's what Fox does.
Boo: And that's why Fox has had to resort to reality shows.
Hoofy: Resort to reality shows? You can't tell me that So You Think You Can Strip for Your Stepfather isn't a great show.
Boo: No, no, I'm not saying that, I've got those all TiVoed. I'm just saying that I think you could have taken a different approach to dealing with our writers.
Hoofy: Are you kidding? What about that one I took on a hunting trip?
Boo: You hunted him!
Hoofy: After giving him a head start, yes.
Boo: And then there was that time you declared that God had given you the divine right of prima nocta and that you're thus permitted to sleep with the writers' wives on their wedding nights in order to beget your royal seed?
Hoofy: When did I do that?
Boo: Yesterday!
Hoofy: Oh, right. Heh heh.
Boo: It's not funny, Hoofy!
Hoofy: Well, Sir Richard Branson does it!
Boo: If Richard Branson jumped off a bridge, would you?
Hoofy: I thought he did jump off a bridge.
Boo: Only to escape the ancient mummy that was pursuing him after he stole its magic scepter! (Pause, taking a breath) Okay, bad example. Look, we can't go on like this. We need to write some material ourselves before the commercial break is up.
Hoofy: Okay, no problem.
Producer: On in ten!
Boo and Hoofy: Aw, (bleep)!
Boo: Okay, we'll improvise.
Hoofy: Good idea. What should we improvise about?
Boo: Uh... we'll do some vaudeville.
Hoofy: Vaudeville.
Boo: Just follow my lead.
Producer: Three, two...
Boo: Hi, welcome back! Say, Hoofy!
Hoofy: What's that, Boo?
Boo: Did ya hear there was a fire at the old Nike factory in China?
Hoofy: Really? How many soles were lost? (Wink at camera, throws arms out like he just delivered a punchline)
Boo: About two hundred. Inadequate fire prevention measures ensured that most of the workers were burned alive. And even the ones who escaped suffered from severe smoke inhalation.
Hoofy: ... (frozen in same pose, but eyes widened) Ahem. Well, I bet some heel started it!
(pause)
Boo: ... Actually, police suspect that the fire was started by a disgruntled former employee. Many Chinese firms have undergone a stringent degree of privatization over the last decade, and...
Hoofy: (still in same pose, hushed to Boo) Boo, are you sure you know how to do vaudeville?
Boo: (hushed to Boo) Well, I just assumed I did.
Hoofy: Be sure to join us next time, when Boo will be stripping for his own stepfather!
