The Utterances of Mai Lin, Semi-Literate Southeast Asian Child Prostitute and Cable News Political Analyst

by Barrett Brown

Oh, is election coming soon! All is talk of many big round eye man all want nice White House! Let's look at them!

One is John Edwards, pretty hair! Pretty face! I hear on news show he pay good for good hair! Man pay so much for haircut? Ha, ha! Is too much money for man to pay for haircut!

But maybe he help the poor get kerosene and rice? He is nice man, stay with fat wife who is sick and maybe lose breast, not feed any new babies, but he stay! He stay with her! Should he still be president? Wife so sick! I don't know!

Oh is also Mitt Romney, also with such pretty hair like three dying birds. He believe in the old demons from the land of wind and ghosts, so maybe they will not be liking him because he believes in such things like dragons. Is "Mormon." Maybe drink blood of birds to make them die and put on head for his religion and for good hair? Maybe real hair, also.

Rudy! Rudy! So helpful, with a good memory like wise old father. He always say, "You remember nine eleven, okay? You remember now!" Americans always forget. But it happened, I see on TV in TV store when it happened, and it was so sad. All New Yorker love him when he was their king. So good at help crime go down, even start going down before he become king. And so many wives! Rudy is virile like super freak! He is a very lucky man to be there on nine eleven to help put out fires.

Oh is Hillary Clinton woman! She is pretty hair, pretty face, and very nice to everyone, let her man go to girls when he must have the moment of the clouds and the rain. Everyone was so upset, but man need to enter woman cave, and she maybe was too busy, always busy busy busy! And she nice to other faction, let them fight battles against nine eleven. She say to them, "Okay, you go fight now." Is role of woman to allow these things.

Obama is black man, but not black man. Maybe both, same! Obama bring hope to all country, every country. But his wife is too mean! She say, "Hillary cannot satisfy husband!" and I see this on Fox TV News. Hillary try to satisfy, maybe cannot! And Obama has no hair, but pretty face, and dress like Yakuza.

I do not know all about Tom Tancredo, but maybe he was not want girls? Maybe boys? I can tell him where he find many boys, very clean. He likes boy named "Jack Bauer." Or is not boy; he say he is 24. He also say, "No more Mexican!" They will do what the Italians did, much crime. Tancredo is real American person.

Fred Thompson is movie star on TV and movie! I say, "Oh hello Fred, put me in movie!" I think maybe he is too old now for making clouds, but he can look my body!

Kucinich? I would not maybe take him, but older girl, very old, they let him pay. He is afraid to fight war also, not like Tancredo, who fight all wars.

I remember John McCain very good. So nice, gentle. Almost not hit me at all.

Oh, politics! We will all see what happens soon! You stay tuned now to news!