Howdy-

Has your home dropped in value recently? Is your neighborhood, like Jamie Lee Curtis, no longer considered "hot?" Has it gotten to the point where English punk rockers are just breaking into nearby homes and proclaiming squatter rights?

Really? It has?

Wow. We were just kind of joking around. That's, uh, pretty rough. Wow.

No need to move or refinance, though; simply sooth your sorry soul with a sensibly-sized serving of our superbly sudden-acting candybiotic, Slumazene. And though FDA regulations require us to warn you that Slumazene will not actually raise the value of your real estate or compel that one English punk rocker to return your stolen barbecue grill or stop dating your daughter, it is, in fact, candy. And you like candy.

Thanks,

Barrett Brown