I understand that you're looking for a freelance copywriter to handle a
variety of online marketing collateral, and I'd like to be considered.
I have seven years of experience as a copywriter for both online and
print outlets (including America Online, The Onion A.V. Club,
and several smaller companies and sole proprietorships) as well as a
couple of marketing and ad firms, my freelance articles have appeared
in dozens of publications, and I have a fairly above-layman background
in biology, much of which was gleaned from research I performed in
preparation for my book Flock of Dodos: Behind Modern Creationism, Intelligent Design, and The Easter Bunny, which was released last March to praise from Harvard legal scholar Alan Dershowitz, Rolling Stone
, Air America Radio, and other sources. In fact, there was a nice little article about me in Skeptic a few weeks ago. My mother was so proud.
I've pasted a resume and a few old samples into the body of this e-mail
below (unfortunately, some of my more recent technical stuff is still
under an NDA until September). Please take a look and let me know if
you'd be interested in discussing this further.
COPYWRITER/
FEATURE COLUMNIST/ CONTRIBUTING EDITOR/ BOOK AUTHOR
Published
Work/ Freelance Media Experience
Sterling
and Ross Publishers
Nonfiction
book "Flock of Dodos: Behind Modern Creationism, Intelligent
Design, and the Easter Bunny", political humor, authored in 2006,
released in March 2007.
The
Onion A/V Club
Current,
ongoing copywriting for Austin regional weekly version of The Onion.
Avacata
Current,
ongoing copywriting in 2007 for Dallas ad agency, researching and
creating entertainment/dining/venue blurbs for clients' marketing
collateral, including luxury resort real estate firm.
National
Lampoon
Occasional
contributor; past features included "Pick-Up Lines That Don't
Seem to Work," "Craig's Conspiracy Corner," "A Guide to
Dealing with Housecats," more.
Weekly
columnist for political analysis site from October 2004 to November
2005
Features
included - - "JohnKerry.com is Web-Tastic!" "Politicos Should
Heed the Perry Incident," "Hot Senate Races," "Hot House
Races," "109th Congress - What They Really Wanted for
Christmas," "Political New Year's Resolutions," "State of
the Union 2005: Dreams and Ironies" "The Long Kiss Goodnight,"
"The Strange Case of Jeff Gannon," "Libby Indicted, Dems
Excited," "The Best Little Decoy in Texas," "Faith
of Our Fathers: A Mildly Mean-Spirited Review," "McClellan is No
Fleischer," "A Response to Our Catholic Readers," "The
Known Unknown," "Dr. Frist Prescribes Himself a Dose of
Moderation," "Meet John Roberts," "2008 Preview," Roberts
Confirmation Hearings Largely Bloodless," more.
AOL
CityGuide
Web
content writer from Summer 2000 to December 2003 Researched/
created content coverage of event and entertainment venues. Served
as regional correspondent for Dallas, Austin, New Orleans, Houston
and Little Rock markets.
Additional
magazine work
Ongoing,
have contributed feature articles from serious political commentary
to humor pieces to children's recreational activity coverage to
fine dining overviews for outlets including business-to-business
publication Pizza Today, D.C.-based public policy journal
Toward Freedom, London-based public policy journal Free
Life,humor
magazine Jest, parenting publication Dallas Child,
men's magazines Oui and
Hustler, literary journal Swans, dozens more.
Additional
writing projects
Have
written shopping/entertainment guides for Dallas Market Center
publication Destination Dallas,created marketing copy for Verizon via Dallas ad
agency Sullivan-Perkins, produced website copy for design
firm NPCreate.com, provided public relations pieces for Texas
energy company EBS and Dallas real estate firm Dunhill
Partners, more.
Education
1999
- 2003 University of Texas at Austin, College of Communications
Go Go Gadget Retailer!
Nothing
sets the summer heart aflutter like that perfectly stylish,
ever-so-necessary electronics accessory and that goes double if
you're the one selling it. But with fashionable designers
increasingly jumping into a product genre that not so long ago was
dominated by geek chic, as opposed to chic chic, retailers are facing
a similar increase in mind-boggling stocking decisions and that
goes double for those whose
fashion sense may have frozen in time in 1986. Never fret; we'll
bring you up to speed on the things everyone needs.
Laptop
Cases
The
girl-friendly gadget community is all abuzz about the Lexie Barnes
2007 Echo line of laptop carriers not so much due to the
water-resistant fabric and extra pockets perfect for power cords and
old-fashioned reading material; rather, it's the neo-retro (yeah, you
heard us) design scheme that has everyone excited.
Well,
it's finally happened - someone's gone and blinged out the mouse. The
culprit in this case is British design firm The Crystal Chick, whose
2007 lineup includes a three-button optical laptop mini-mouse that's
encrusted with swarovski crystals and available in clear, topaz,
rose, and sapphire color schemes. Will wonders never cease?
For
those whose tastes don't quite run to the jewel-encrusted, Otterbox
is set to release a decidedly utilitarian see-through Blackberry case
that allows for total functionality while protecting the device from
liquid, dust, crushings, and other hazards of the modern workplace.
It's a must-have for today's busy klutz-on-the-go.
Billing
its product line as being "For People Who Hate Wallets," Jimi
seeks to serve as savior to portable game enthusiasts with its Jimi
Game Shell, a shockproof, liquid-resistant polypropylene
case that keeps Nintendo DS and PSP game cards safe from the elements
(not to mention their owners).
Though
the practice is by no means limited to the U.S., brand licensing is
still largely associated with American culture, despite having since
caught on with a vengeance in Japan, Western Europe, and elsewhere.
This view of branding as a peculiarly American cultural development
is reasonable - it was in the U.S. that the practice first
originated, after all, and it was the U.S. commercial establishment
that gradually built the concept into something of a fine art, and an
extraordinarily profitable one at that.
Much
of the same can be said about college athletics. Though organized
sporting as a function of higher education is neither an American
invention nor even a recent one, modern American culture has given
the institution a degree of attention and cash not seen
anywhere else in the world. And so it's hardly surprising that the
practice of licensing, when combined with the public's relatively
high interest in college athletics, has proven to be among retail's
most reliable options for improving the bottom line, often
outperforming even national athletic merchandise in terms of growth.
And industry analysts see no reason why these numbers should drop
anytime soon:
The
International Licensing Industry Merchandisers Association
determined in 2005 that between 1998 and 2006, college athletic
licensing sector revenues saw an increase of 11.7 percent a rate
of increase five times as strong as that of non-sporting
entertainment licensing, and even a bit stronger than that of
non-collegiate sporting merchandise revenues, which grew by 10.1
percent over the same time period.
An
estimated 50,000 U.S. retail establishments now carry licensed
collegiate athletic products, with those stores collectively
bringing in some $2.8 billion each year from those sales.
Unlike
the seasonal drop-off in sales that's generally seen in national
sporting merchandise, licensed collegiate products have a tendency
to sell year-round, largely due to the buying patterns of the
nation's 30 million income-earning college alumni, who tend to
purchase based on a static sense of school pride rather than a more
ephemeral sense of support for a successful team.
From
the standpoint of the individual retailer, carrying licensed
collegiate merchandise makes even more strategic sense when one
considers the mutually beneficial partnership that now exists between
licensing firms and sellers on the one hand and licensing firms and
colleges on the other. For instance, though industry heavyweight
Collegiate Licensing Company identifies certain product categories as
top sellers on a nationwide basis, CLC also takes pains to provide
each retailer with an unusually high degree of support with regards
to maximizing sales based on regional factors. This assistance comes
in the form of demographic and sales trend info, collaboration on
specified promotional efforts for particular territories,
register-to-win promotions, sales incentive contests for employees,
and direct marketing campaigns, among other things, all of which can
be of particular benefit to those retailers who may otherwise lack
the resources to implement such techniques with equal precision and
expertise.
Bearing
all that in mind, it's little wonder that retailers of all sizes have
gotten into the game.
The Onion A.V. Club Restaurant Write-Ups
Nuevo
Leon Mexican Restaurant
Seeing
as how one can hardly swing a cat these days without hitting one of
the dozens of flashy Tex-Mex joints that have popped up over the last
decade or so, it's a nice change of pace to hit up a venerable old
Mex-Mex restaurant where a cat is a gato and a margarita is a
bargain. For more than a quarter-century, the family-owned,
family-targeted Nuevo Leon has dealt in straightforward Mexican
comida with a few surprises here and there the Chile Con Queso,
for instance, is enhanced with guacamole and taco meat, which would
obviously disqualify it from the Chile Con Queso Olympics but
constitutes a nice touch nonetheless. Great For: Meeting
eligible mariachis. Entrees: $5
- 10 (1501 East Sixth, 479-0097)
Donn's
Texas BBQ
In
accordance with the unwritten constitution under which all Lone Star
State barbecue restaurants must operate under pain of public
ostracism and eventual bankruptcy, Donn's Texas BBQ is housed in the
most rustic setting possible in this case, a big ol' red barn
and deals out simple southwestern staples at reasonable prices (and
which are more reasonable still when one buys in bulk). Chopped beef,
cole slaw, potato salad, and the obligatory banana pudding dessert
all make the menu, as do several somewhat more surprising items like
chicken fajita tacos. Aficionados of the distinctly southern sunrise
should be happy with the gravy-heavy breakfast menu. Great
For: Fattening up for winter.
Entrees: $6 10
(7001 Oak Meadow, 288-4060)
Eddie
V's
Having
racked up several instances of unreserved-yet-fully-deserved praise
from Bon Appetit,
Wine Spectator, and other
recognized arbiters of the international gourmet community, Eddie V's
has earned the unofficial status of "best seafood restaurant in
Central Texas," which isn't quite as prestigious as being the best
seafood restaurant in, say, Sicily, but which is still pretty damned
impressive and even aside from the duly noted oceanic edibles,
the restaurant also doubles as a steakhouse to boot. If you happen to
be running a state anti-corruption probe, this would probably be a
good place in which to bug a few tables; between its
steak-and-seafood emphasis and snazzy downtown digs just a couple of
blocks away from the Capitol, Eddie V's has become a major haunt of
state legislators and, consequently, lobbyists. Great
For: Buying votes. Entrees:
$20 - 38 (301 East
Fifth, 472-1860)
El
Sol y La Luna
The
menu at El Sol y La Luna basically constitutes a longitudinal line
that starts off at Tex-Mex, runs down to border cuisine, then on to
Mexican interior fare, and finally reaches its terminus among the
admirably exotic offerings of Central American cookery, although the
line gets kind of squiggly at a few points, such as when smoked
salmon served with cream cheese, wheat crackers, and capers
inexplicably shows up on the appetizer menu; occasional incongruity
aside, the general all-inclusiveness should please both the cautious
connoisseur of the quesadilla and the intrepid enthusiast of wacky
Mayan dishes that no one's ever heard of. The owners, as one might
gather, are inclined towards the eclectic, and the restaurant hosts
some unusually unusual live music performances. Great
For: Learning geography.
Entrees: $3 - 10
(1224 South Congress, 444-7770)
Epoch
Coffee
Like
all truly great coffee shops, Epoch Coffee sports a large, horrifying
sign on its roof this one depicts the head of what appears to be
some sort of Olmec warrior deity, and can inspire no other emotion in
any thinking, feeling person than that of vague apprehension,
although the effect starts to break down when you get inside and
everybody's drinking Italian soda. Beyond that particular item, Epoch
deals in the usual coffee shop fare, including espresso and several
variations thereof, scones, and all-natural juice, with the resident
soup being particularly well-regarded among the sort of people who
eat soup at coffee shops. Outside, the covered porch staves off rain,
shine, and debilitating laptop monitor glare, thus making life that
much more pleasant. Great For: Writing
poetry about how much you like soup. Entrees: $2
6 (221 West North Loop, 454-3762)
Guero's
Taco Bar
Since
making the move from East Oltorf to South Congress in 1994, Guero's
has managed to claw its way to the uppermost levels of the touristy
avenue's people-watching hierarchy, now facing real competition only
from Jo's Coffee down the street; the restaurant's sidewalk patio,
combined with the sidewalk-adjacent courtyard area, ensures the
continuation of this hard-fought dominance for, perhaps, all
eternity. Inside, the largely interior Mexican menu is supplemented
by an expansive self-serve salsa bar and a ponderous preponderance of
high-end margaritas that would leave even the most accomplished
alcoholic scratching his or her head in indecision. Guero's also
serves as a pretty nifty live music venue, hosting local and touring
music acts on weekends and weekdays alike. Great For:
Getting drunk without people staring at you. Entrees: $6
- 14 (1412 South Congress, 447-7688)
III
Forks
Though
clearly out of step with the modern Texas ethos, III Forks hearkens
back to a more elegant epoch of state history, before oil was struck
and people started burying Cadillacs and getting indicted for real
estate fraud; the interior is done up in such things as black
mahogany and Michaelangelo Italian marble, as opposed to, say,
cowhide and second wives. And though the menu is heavily skewed
towards steak, you'll also find rack of lamb, veal rib chops, and
other things that might not be served all that often at one's
anarcho-syndicalist vegan co-op. Beyond the dining rooms, a downright
purty piano bar vies with a well-stocked walk-in wine chamber for
your after-dinner attentions. Great For:
Lingering among tasteful surroundings. Entrees: $20
- 50 (111 Lavaca, 474-1776)
Kenichi
Austin
Its
moniker derived from that of improbably-named chef-founder Kenichi
Kanada, Kenichi Austin is the second of four Kenichi locations - none
of which, incidentally, are found in Canada, but each of which,
not-so-incidentally, has maintained its wild popularity in the years
since each respective founding. In accordance with the high-concept,
sushi-oriented fare around which the menu is largely centered, the
restaurant itself is done up in the sort of Yakuza-Bladerunner
chic common to most hip, urban
Japanese joints; likewise, both preparation and presentation of the
food itself is subject to the high degree of nuance that one
rightfully expects from such places. Great
For: People who like their meal
to be prettier than their date. Entrees: $10
- 70 (419 Colorado, 320-8883)
Roaring
Fork Bistro and Saloon
Housed
on the first floor of downtown's storied InterContinental Stephen F.
Austin hotel, Roaring Fork bills itself as embodying "the spirit of
the American West," and, with the notable exception that the
restaurant was not stolen from Mexico, this promise is fulfilled
insomuch as that undue stuffiness is disregarded in favor of
pioneering grub. Thus it is that the menu sports such culinary
improbabilities as the New Mexico Fondue Pot (with lamb chops,
butternut squash, and chile-pecan bread) and the Ahi Tuna Tartare
Tacquito dish (with sesame, chives, avocado, and wasabi crème
fraiche). Nor do such things simply sound good on paper; the Roaring
Fork's no-holds-barred offerings have won collective acclaim from
Gourmet and Wine
Spectator. Great
For: Western fusion
enthusiasts. Entrees: $8
- 30 (701 Congress Avenue, 583-000)
Ruth's
ChrisSteak House
Although
it hasn't been around nearly as long as many other revered staples of
Austin dining, and is in fact simply one link in a hundred-location
chain founded in New Orleans, Ruth's Chris has managed to accrue some
large degree of local status by virtue of its prime location right
smack dab among several of the city's better hotels, a status which
has in turn made it an ephemeral haunt of visiting celebrities,
newly-affluent bond traders, and the like. Stereotypical steak
aficionados such as those are notorious culinary gossips, and they
wouldn't be dropping in if Ruth's red meat of residence wasn't worth
the inevitable heart attacks, which, in fact, they are. Great
For: Fascists who know good
steak. Entrees: $40 -
80 (107 West Sixth, 477-7884)
Starlite
With
its cadre of cutesy cocktails bearing names like Lithuanian Rose,
Lil' Cheetah, and - best of all Raspberry Mule, Starlite
successfully caters to the tastes of those loft-happy neo-downtowners
who have been pouring into the area over the last few years. Aside
from serving as an outpost of posh pick-me-ups on the less-frequented
end of Sixth Street, Starlite also holds its own as a dinner
destination by way of such intricate offerings as Warm Long Island
Calamari and Citrus Salad decked out in golden pear tomatoes, sea
beans, and sesame citrus vinaigrette. Likewise, hungry neighborhood
rummies have made the place a prominent spot for Mimosa-fueled
weekend brunches. Great
For: Avoiding drunken revelers,
aside from the ones you arrived with. Entrees: $7
- 31 (407 Colorado, 374-9012)
Texas
French Bread
Those
who find the java served at some of the hipper local coffee shops to
be somewhat lacking in nuance should be well-pleased with the various
roasts served at Texas French Bread, the several locations of which
generally skimp on the sort of atmosphere that would inspire one to
linger but nonetheless appeal to those with a penchant for
quick-and-easy bistro fare. Aside from its obvious status as a
bakery, Texas French Bread also caters to the supposed-to-be-at-work
crowd with customizable box lunches; these can include intricate
sandwiches (made up of Focaccia, pimento cheese, and all that),
similarly fussed-over salads, and other cute things to eat. You've
also got to love a place that will deliver lemonade and roasted
coffee by the gallon. Great
For: Getting a swell lunch
without undue dilly-dallying. Entrees: $5
- 10 (2900 Rio Grande, 499-0544; 3213 Red River, 478-8794;
1722 South Congress, 440-1122)
Trudy's
Tex-Mex
Maintaining
popularity with the fickle UT crowd is tough enough when you're
situated right across from campus; the original Trudy's location on
30th has managed to do so from a bit over six blocks away
and with little direct visibility from Guadalupe. Much of this
unlikely success draws from the attached lounge, which, beyond
constituting the swankiest bar for miles around, is in fact the only
bar for miles around that could possibly be described as "swanky"
at all, insomuch as that it possesses both black leather booths and
hard liquor. Among the latter, the Mexican martinis are a particular
draw, and margarita-centered drink specials abound throughout the
week. Great For:
Bargain drinking without hitting the dives. Entrees: $7
- 9 (409 West 30th, 477-2935; 4141 Capitol of
Texas Highway South, 326-9899; 8820 Burnet, 454-1474 )
The
Belmont
The
Belmont would have easily won some high degree of attention simply by
virtue of its well-conceived comfort food/Italian fusion fare
(including things like cornmeal-fried calamari with caper aioli,
shrimp and grits with tomatillo sauce, and of course, butternut
squash ravioli with brown butter), but what really turns the upscale
Sixth Street restaurant into a swarming weekend nightspot is an
ultra-intricate drink selection made up of such unfortunate rarities
as the Pomegranate Martini and Barbados Punch, both of which are
composed of too many wacky ingredients to list here. Show up in your
best dressy-casual attire, and prepare to be jostled by drunk law
students; even with a couple of patios, Belmont starts to overflow on
Saturday nights. Great
For: Getting free legal advice.
Entrees: $8 - 25 (305
West Sixth, 457-0300)
Bess
Bistro
If
there's one thing that Austin needs more of and, in fact, there
are several things - it's underground restaurants accessible only by
little stairways, marked only by red awnings, and housed in buildings
that used to be something but which are now something else entirely.
Helping to fill that unfortunate gap is Bess Bistro, which operates
by way of a mostly Atlantic menu (shepherd's pie and fish and chips
on the English side, macaroni and cheese and meatloaf on the
American, and, oh, hey, here's some baba ghanouj just to shake things
up) and does so in a nicely conversation-conducive atmosphere. And
though not particularly long or drawn from any particularly vintage
stocks, Bess Bistro's wine list is particularly splendid nonetheless,
and clearly the result of an expert's touch. Great
For: Hiding. Entrees:
$16 - 30 (500 West
Sixth, 477-2377)
Rio
Rita
As
the Great 21st Century East Austin Hipster Migration
continues apace ("Go East, Young Emo!") and elderly Hispanics
consequently find their old hangouts overtaken, Rio Rita is among the
latest
neighborhood
node to succumb to caffeine and irony; suffice to say that it now has
its own MySpace page (on which the inanimate structure accurately
describes itself as "Mild-mannered coffee shop by day, swanky
lounge by night") and is fast becoming an integral part of the
local singer-songwriter circuit, a nifty spot to take in the
occasional gospel brunch, and the site of such things as collective
arts-and-crafts sessions. Great
For: Mixing beer and coffee,
getting hit on. Entrees: $3
- 7 (1308 East Sixth, 478-3934)
Uchi
Like
many commercial enterprises in the area, South Lamar's most prominent
spot for sushi is set in a refurbished home a really, really
refurbished home which manages to exude that peculiar brand of
sleekness to which most American sushi bars aspire. Despite the
preponderance of stylistic flourishes, Uchi is decidedly
food-centered at its heart, even to the extent that the daily menu is
posted to the restaurant's website every day before opening time
rolls around (a fine thing indeed for the sort of ultra-foodie who
would actually check such things before arriving), and the permanent
menu alone is about twice as long as that of many local competitors.
Uchi also makes for a swell watering hole, stocking obscure Japanese
beers as well as a selection of sake with wacky names like Demon
Slayer. Great For:
Entertaining visiting sushi snobs. Entrees: $4
- 30 (801 South Lamar, 916-4808)
Vespaio
The
only real problem with Vespaio is that, by this point, everyone knows
about it, and hour-long waits are neither uncommon on weekends nor
unheard of on weekdays. But though this may be a drawback to those
hoping to catch an after-dinner movie or some such, it shouldn't (and
doesn't) deter most diners, as Vespaio also happens to maintain one
hell of a fun bar in which to wait for one's table. And then, of
course, there's the reason one wanted that table in the first place,
which is the restaurant's well-executed, moderately unorthodox
Italian reform Italian, actually, the kind that eats shellfish
and only goes to temple on the High Holy Days. Great
For: When you're not in a
hurry. Entrees: $15 -
35 (1610 South Congress, 441-6100)
Wahoo's
Fish Taco
If
one is aware that Wahoo's was founded by three beach bum brothers
named Wing, Ed, and Mingo, nothing else about the establishment
should be much of a surprise, other than the fact that it carries
both Chardonnay and Merlot. Like most of Austin's tech workers, the
chain hails from California, and like most of Austin's casual seafood
restaurants, the interior style is located somewhere between
bodacious and audacious. Nonetheless, Wahoo's sets itself apart with
a menu drawing from Mexican, Brazilian, and Asian sensibilities,
offering up imaginative teriyaki bowls, nifty sandwiches, and a
signature burrito stuffed with ahi rice, beans, and a dozen or so
other things. Great For:
Pretending you live near a real ocean. Entrees: $4
- 10 (509 Rio Grande, 476-3474)